Gossip

Good morning, ladies!

The guys like to say that women enjoy gossiping. I’m sure if we could tune in to the Men’s Breakfast, we would hear some tales as well. The truth is that people in general, like to tell stories and share news that they have heard. I’ve even heard some churches prayer time becomes a time of gossip as more details are shared than need be.

There is nothing wrong with sharing prayer requests, but we need to be careful about oversharing on the details. We need to consider how much needs to be shared and if the individual would want those details shared. We often think of gossip as spreading rumors or passing on false information that could hurt someone. True information can hurt people too when shared too openly.

Rumors are hard to avoid, especially in small towns where everyone knows everyone else. The problem with sharing rumors is that we don’t really know how much of it is factual. Many times, rumors have a bit of truth in them but have been embellished with each retelling of the story. Remember when we were kids and played the game where the teacher whispered a short bit of information to one child and then each child relayed the information to the next person in line, and it went thru 20-30 kids and then the last person gave the message aloud. The end message was never the same as the original. Often, it didn’t even remotely resemble the original. There are many reasons that the message changes. People don’t always hear correctly, they don’t remember the details correctly, they change the wording, they leave pieces of information out, and so on.

In real life, we rarely know all the details of any story. In fact, most stories have more than one side, so two people can tell a story from two different perspectives, and it may not even sound like the same story. Studies show that even eyewitnesses to an event aren’t all that reliable. If six people are on the street when an accident occurs, they will all tell a different story. They may have seen part of the event, they may have seen from a different angle, they may have been visiting with another person at the time, or they may have heard more than they actually saw. This is why investigators talk to people separately, so they can get as many details as possible to put the story together.

Many times, stories are told as news without any intention of hurting another person. But personal information about someone, true or not, can hurt that person. At the very least, it causes broken trust. If you tell someone something in confidence, you expect that person to keep it to themselves and when you find out that they shared it, you will never trust that person again.

So, what does Scripture tell us about gossip? Scripture uses the word gossip, and it uses the word slander. Slander is false information that can cause damage to a person’s reputation, job, marriage, etc. Ephesians 4:29 says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” This is a great verse! When we start to tell someone a story we heard, we should always stop and ask ourselves, “Is this helpful? Do I know it’s true? Is this going to build up or tear down? Is this story beneficial?” Often, we will decide the story isn’t really worth repeating.

James 1:26 tells us, “Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless.” I think this is telling us that if we go around spreading rumors and talking about other people, we will ruin our witness. Anyone who hears you will never fully trust you.

Proverbs 10:18 says, “Whoever conceals hatred with lying lips and spreads slander is a fool.” A very wise man wrote the Proverbs and if we want to be wise, we’ll consider what we say before we say it and be careful who we listen to. Proverbs 10:19 follows with, “Sin is not ended by multiplying words, but the prudent hold their tongues.” Seems like this verse may be telling us that speaking more isn’t helping us to avoid sin and if we are wise, we’ll hold our tongue.

Proverbs have a lot of verses that talk about gossip and slander and I think Proverbs 18:21 says it best, “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” Sounds like a warning to me.

As we begin a new year, let’s think about the words we speak. Are they helpful and edifying to others? Are they building others up or tearing them down? Is the story really worth repeating? Are we sure the story is true? And while it’s good and helpful to ask for prayer for others, are all the details really necessary?

If you have resolved to find a church or attend more regularly this year, come check out our little church on the hill, it’s worth the drive!

Lori Hug